Wednesday, April 18, 2007

Patio Sex Vixen / Sex Around the House

Sex around the house
(as published in April 2007 edition of Yoni - Dedicated to Making Housewives Horny)

I’m sure there’s nothing I can suggest that will shock you, because you’re a kinky woman who has probably done all these things many times. But just in case you haven’t, here are some sexy suggestions for that vixen within having sex around the house.


This is for you by yourself when you’re “freshening up” earlier in the day. Lock the door and get in the bath while it’s filling. Put your legs up on the wall so the water is running down onto your pussy. It’s also a great time to find and caress your own g-spot. ;)


Tell your honey you learned some lap dance techniques but you need to get drunk to show them off to him, because you’re so shy…(yeah right, we know better but he’s gullible). Mix your drinks strong, but not so strong that he can’t perform later. Once you do have a buzz, start talking about some of your sexual fantasies – these can be completely fabricated if you’re too uncomfortable sharing your real fantasies or if your fantasy is to be fucked by all your man’s friends, LOL! In fact, if you design your fantasies around things you know HE dreams about – all the better, because you’ll feel that power you have over him even more when you start your lap dance. The music should already have been playing for awhile in the background and candles should be lit around the room. You can start to touch him a little, like put your hands on his legs and maybe pet a little, but do not touch his cock. When a song comes on that you feel sexy dancing to, and you are feeling quite powerful, begin your lapdance. Make sure he knows that he isn’t allowed to touch you. When you’re ready for the lovemaking to begin, strip off your clothes slowly, and turn around so he can watch you insert your own fingers into your pussy. Then tell him to finger fuck you for awhile – hopefully he knows how to rub your g-spot (location and degree of pressure). When you’re good and wet, peel back his pants – get him a bit wet with your mouth, and mount him.

Alternate livingroom sex – Put in a porn and have porn sex. But do it quick before the porn gets too lame and you lose interest and he becomes too hooked on the tube. J

Kitchen counter

Place some kinky objects on the counter as though you’re preparing dinner, while your man is involved in some tv program or something. Don’t forget lube! You’ll need that for the vegetables. Make sure you shopped earlier with this encounter in mind – get a cucumber, maybe some other vegetables that look interesting size-wise. Clean them thoroughly and place them on the counter with the whip cream and other items you’d like to include – what about donuts or other foods to decorate HIM with? Sex in the kitchen can also be good because the alcohol is handy if you get thirsty during a long lovemaking session. Start by inviting your man into the kitchen and showing him what’s on the counter. You should be wearing a short skirt with no panties, by the way. When the light dawns on him and he realizes what you’re doing, push him against the counter, and go down on him – tell him you’ve been wanting to have kinky kitchen sex for awhile now. Undress each other and start using the props for your sexual pleasure. Ask him to fuck you gently with the vegetables. Wonder aloud if that one will fit – it’s so big! What were you thinking to buy such a big vegetable! (wink, wink) When you’re both so hot you can’t stand it anymore, fuck hard with your ass on the counter. (A corner counter is especially good for this!)


I’m not a big fan of shower sex, but there is one thing that is never better than when it starts in the shower – bum licking. Haha! I know you’re laughing, but I don’t know what else to call it. Ass licking? Oral anal? Analingus? I thought bum licking sounded the best. In the shower you can clean each others bodies VERY thoroughly so that any bum licking you do during or after your shower is done freely and unselfconsciously – whether giving or receiving. Bum licking is a favourite for anyone – throw in some manual stimulation of the genital area and you or your partner (whoever is on the “rear-ceiving end” at the moment) will be in ecstasy. Sex will be a beautiful thing after that beautiful experience.


To keep sex kinky in the bedroom, you need to add some drama sometimes. Talking dirty is good – tell your man into his ear the whole time about how it would be if there was another woman with you right now… “I would let her eat my pussy while you fuck her from behind.” “I would lick your ass while she sucks your cock.” (Warning: He will come quite quickly if you employ this method.) Another option is to tell him you’ve been feeling like you deserve a spanking and while he’s at it, could he throw you around a little? Lol Sometimes, as strong women, we enjoy having a man exert some power over us. It’s nice to be ravaged once in awhile (or all the time! Haha) And finally, a position you can truly enjoy in the bedroom because a soft bed makes it easier to relax… Missionary with his cock in your ass, and your “lawn mower engine” vibrator on your clit (you are managing the controls of the electronic equipment). Now THAT’S the kind of sex you want to tell your girlfriends all about but you’re worried they’ll look at you differently if you do.

Happy Housekeeping!

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