Friday, May 4, 2007

Asleep in Gyno Row / What I Want in a Man

What makes a boy worth loving? For me the most important thing about the boy I choose to love is that he had better be better than the rest.

Granted he is a boy and therefore will undeniably have certain "boy" traits, like being attracted to many women even if he is faithful to one.

He will also most likely be a bit of an ass when he drinks too much alcohol (aren't they all?).

He will be in the mood for sex when you're mad at him (why is that?).

And he will be innately selfish, for example; when he is sick he will behave almost pathetically. I mean, it is honestly something boys have to work at to be sensitive and considerate of someone else’s needs before their own.

I think women are more naturally nurturing and affectionate.

Those are the things I just have to accept. But what about the things I just can’t accept?

Some things are universally unacceptable, like physical abuse and sexual abuse. Or cheating. Freeloading cheapskates are another no-no.

Then there are things that are more on an individual basis, like don’t flirt with my friends or don’t look at other women.

There are the drug-and-alcohol related issues, which are common. How much of an ass does he have to be when he’s drunk before I’ll dump him?

For strippers there’s even more. He had better not sit in front row. Period. Maybe, when I agree to it, just for my show. But definitely not for other dancers shows, whether I’m working there or not. If I meet my boy outside the industry, I am disgusted if I learn later that he is a front-row boy. Grow up already.

Not that I have anything against front-row boys. I just wouldn’t date one.

I think as strippers, we don’t want our boys/men to be like all other boys in that sense. We want them to show some control over their hormones, even if they just pretend to have control.

I have been very embarrassed and felt like a fool when some of my colleagues were doing shows with my loser boyfriend sitting in front row. I expect my man to be better than that.

Have some respect for me and for the women I work with. If you are single, by all means – go sit in the front row. But if your woman is a stripper, then you should learn a little stripper etiquette. Asshole.

Oops, didn’t mean to go off like that.

Now onto the positive. I have said what is unavoidable, and what is unacceptable. But what am I truly seeking in a loving relationship?

I want a partnership. You know, like a team. We’ve got each other’s backs and we’re taking some of the blows for each other.

I want cuddles and compliments. Please notice my ass when I’m wearing short shorts around the house. Go ahead; give it a squeeze.

I want other women to think, “Wow, he sure treats her good. I wish I could find a man like him.” And I want it to be true.

I want him to show concern for my safety by watching me walk to my car at night, and lifting heavy boxes. Please let chivalry not be dead.

I want him to love my daughter. That’s a given. Yep, pretty much.

I want him to demonstrate control when he drinks and when he makes love. A man in control is truly sexy.

I want him to love me so much that he is sick at the thought of losing me. And so, he is considerate of my feelings and does not take me for granted. Keep on keeping me, Baby.

I want him to hold me and kiss me and spank me and talk dirty to me. Did I mention, I want him to hold me? To hold me. To hold me. To hold me. To hold me.

I want him to smile and laugh with me. And hold me.

I want to be weak with love for him and for the feeling to be mutual.

Am I dreaming?

I want to be his best friend, on the same team, in the same bed often, me in his head, in his arms, in his heart. Him in me.

(Written October 2002)


Anonymous said...

I have to say I smiled when I read your post...because there are guys like that out there. I have one myself...keep true to what you're looking for!

Anonymous said...

smile...... aw that brought tears to my eyes. :) I'm a dancer too so I can totally relate. EW to any dancer bf who'd actually sit up near the stage!!! g

Annie Temple said...

I'm so glad this post is making people smile! It kinda also brought tears to my eyes re-reading it after all this time. I wrote it a loooong time ago. I'm happily married now to a guy who doesn't sit in front row, even though I'm not dancing anymore. I think he'd really like to though. Sheesh. I should let him off his leash. ;)

Anonymous said...

Etiquette and show conventions differ geographically. In Minnesota front row patrons are the ones paying the tips for the dancers, while the backseaters pay only for the prettiest or sexiest dancers. Occasionally, for an exceptional beauty, they jump into the front seat, pay a tip, and then retreat back to the 'tip optional' area. I love almost any woman who will bare her beauty for me, and I think she deserves to be tipped if she comes on stage to perform and I want her to know that I appreciate what she is offering. Guys in the back seats are jerks (or old men on a fixed income). You are perpetuating a double standard if you look down on men who supporting dancers the most (both emotionally and financially) on the front row. You prefer a lie (I'm only attracted to your sexiness, dear) and a liar, and 'there are guys like that out there' -- a dime a dozen, in my view. I regard nude dancing as both art, and adult sex play, and as such, it is not for everyone. I just wish the artists would not look down on their adoring patrons. Men are hardwired to love the au natural woman (who is a whole different dimension from the clothed woman) who can often only be found in a dancing establishment. I'm sure that dancers differ in their views of their own work ranging from self-loathing (due to cultural disapproval), to a joyous celebration of sexual energy and beauty. I love them all. I leave the bar with my heart full of love every time. Tell your lover to go no closer than eight feet from the totally nude dancer and he will be a fool not to want to stay in your good graces, just be clear that he is pandering to your hangup, he's not manifesting some inner virtue, in my opinion.