Tuesday, July 3, 2007

Broken Heart

What do you do with a broken heart? How do you heal? It hurts so much I can’t breathe, I can’t eat. My stomach feels perpetually sick. Sleep is the only escape. It’s a sad state of affairs when you wake up from a dream and your reality is more fucked than your dreams are.

How long does it take for the sick feeling to go away? Must I make a difficult decision to make it go away? Must I walk away to make it go away?

Yesterday I couldn’t function because of the panic attacks. One after another – the dizziness, the nausea, the racing heart. I was in bed for most of the day. It seems like the harder I try to think of something else, the stronger the panic attacks come on. I’m trying desperately to rise above this pain and seek spiritual solace in God and all that is around me and in me. But I just find pain. Pain. Pain. Pain.

What the fuck can I do to escape this pain. I wish I could just sleep forever.

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