Written during the Summer of 2003 between shows at the Alder
To My Angel,
This is your Mama wanting to tell you in words too complex for you to understand how much you mean to me. You're only three years old and I'm doing my best to be a good mother. But like all parents, I'm already making mistakes.
I wonder to myself how I can teach you to recognize evil in this world without taking away your innocence - and I don't know how. Yet is it so very important for you to be aware.
I worry so much when you're away and that is often because I must work to be able to provide for you - us. And I miss you terribly.
One day you are going to realize what it means when Mommy says "I'm a dancer." And I can't begin to imagine how you will respond but I hope that you will understand that it doesn't change who I am. I am, regardless of what others say, everything you know me to be - good and bad. Nothing's changed.
Nothing in this world is more important to me than you. You are my angel. The sacred soul who saved me. The inspiration for my art and the reason I aspire to be a better person. Nothing you ever say or do can alter that. Sincerely.
People often ask me how I would feel if you chose "dancing" as a career. At this time in my life, I am preparing to give you many more choices than that. I don't want you to become a dancer one day, if only because of how people will treat you for it. There is no shame in the business, but generally, most people believe otherwise. The stigma associated with the profession is reason enough for me to hope that you'll have/make other choices.
However, what you choose to do in your life IS YOUR CHOICE. What you choose is for you and only you to decide. As long as you always realize they are CHOICES.
I will support you and let you make your own mistakes, but I will not passively stand by and watch you make them. I will share my experiences with you. I will lend my knowledge to you. I will suffer when you suffer. I will cry when you're in pain - whether it be your heart or your body. You are an extension of myself - your own, individual person - yet so like me. I wish I could shield you from life's pain.
But you will get your heart broken, you will lose someone you love, you will struggle and sometimes lose the battle - but I will always love you. And I will always be there to stand by your side.
One day, we'll sit together and chat about our lives - our mistakes, our triumphs, our heartaches, our passions. And you will relate to the words I write now as a woman. There's no love like the love a mother has for her child. It is the rainbow on a rainy day, the brightest star in the sky, the deepest emotion one can feel. You are my rainbow, Baby. My brightest, shining star. My Angel. Forever and Always, I love you.