Friday, September 14, 2007

Strip Club Etiquette for Customers

See also: Strip Club Tipping Etiquette

I'd say that about 60% of the hits I get on my blog come from people putting "strip club etiquette" into a search engine and finding my piece on rules for boyfriends. I realize that most of yonilicious' guests are not boyfriends of strippers, so that means they are most likely customers. So here is my list of strip club etiquette for customers. Please feel free to add more in the comments section if I've missed any.
  1. Do not blow on the dancers' precious parts. It's disgusting. Did you know that tiny particles of spit come out of your mouth when you blow? Every dancer knows this. So keep your filthy spit particles off your entertainers cookie.

  2. Do not wave your tongue suggestively at the dancer. While it might seem appropriate under the circumstances - she's naked, you're horny - this behavior is extremely vulgar and can lead to extreme nausea on the part of the performer. Please remember that every dancer was a woman before she was a stripper - so the same rules apply. Have a little class or she'll think you're an ass.

  3. Do not try to force eye contact in an effort to put yourself above the other customers who openly stare at the pussy. It's really rather creepy. And honestly, the dancer does not care if you look at her pussy, so go ahead and look. Even better? Tip.

  4. Do not get up and leave in the middle of a show. It is disrespectful to the entertainer and also makes her look bad to management. You're probably on a tight (leash) schedule and just have to leave and it has nothing to do with the dancer, but in the eyes of management, she can't keep the customers in the club. Plan to leave next time as soon as a dancer finishes her set instead of walking out halfway through.

  5. Clap after every song. We really appreciate it. Doing a good show has a lot to do with the energy we get back from the crowd. So if you're appreciative and attentive, you'll get a better show for your $6 beers.

  6. Do not yell obscenities. This goes along with the tongue-wagging thing. Remember that strippers are not aliens that were made to dance naked for men. They are real women and prefer to be treated with some respect.

  7. Even if you aren't interested in getting a private dance, buy a few tickets from the dancers who are selling them. They only cost $2 to $5 depending on how many you want. If you win the dance and really don't want it, just tell the dancer you were buying tickets to be respectful but she doesn't have to do the dance. She'll adore you for that one! If the club insists on her providing a dance, you can always give it to someone else. Just remind that someone else to tip. ;)

  8. If you put money on the stage to get extra attention from the dancer, don't take it back when she's not looking. That is one of the most bullshit, asshole, idiotic, sonofabitch moves a guy can pull. And many do.

  9. Similar to #8, if you invite a dancer to your table for a drink, buy her one when she gets there. For those honest guys out there, you'd be surprised how many low lifes will entice a dancer to their table for a drink, then "forget" to buy her one or avoid paying for the one that's brought over. After a few burns of this sort, I learned to say loudly to the waitress "THIS kind gentleman offered me a drink, so put this on his bill, please."

  10. Do not sit in front row and slag the dancer who's on stage. She can hear you, Asshole.

  11. DO NOT TAKE PHOTOS OR VIDEOS OF THE DANCER WITH YOUR CELL PHONE. How cheap and sleazy is that?! If you do take photos or videos of the dancer and she (or someone she knows in the audience) sees you, don't be surprised if you get your ass kicked severely. And I warn you, stilettos can do some vicious damage. And cell phones are expensive.

  12. While we're on the topic of violation - as taking sneaky photos or videos of dancers is - remember also that you shall NOT touch any dancers or servers in strip clubs. This rule is actually more often enforced in strip clubs than your average, everyday pubs. Strip club bouncers are there to protect their female staff from just such behavior. And clubs that don't have bouncers usually have very serious regular customers or butchy female barstaff who are quite willing to deal with you in an unpleasant manner. Trust me.

  13. Do not put your hands, drink, jacket or anything else on the stage. It poses a safety risk to the dancer - and the audience members if she were to fall off the stage. It is also her personal space and your imposition is disrespectful.

  14. Do not pull the dancer's blanket to get her closer to your seat. I actually saw this happen to a dancer once at Barracuda's in Surrey. Her name escapes me right now but if I heard it, I'd know it. She was standing on her blanket and a customer pulled it. She nearly fell off the stage. The adrenaline rush got her going and she punched the guy right in the face! After her show she had to go to the hospital and get a cast because she'd hurt her wrist or something. She finished the week in that cast. All of us girls had a new-found respect for her, and we applauded her quick reaction.

  15. Do not read a newspaper in front row during a show. That's just plain rude.

  16. Do not smoke cigars in front row. It is very hot under stage lights and moving around can get a dancer breathing. Sucking in strong gusts of cigar smoke while overheated is not a good combination. Even dancers who like to smoke cigars do not like to inhale them second hand while on stage.

  17. Do not assume that an exotic dancer sells sex or does cocaine. That only makes an ass out of you.

  18. Do not sit in the club for hours nursing one drink. Your patronage pays for the dancers shows. If you want to see strippers, help to keep the clubs open. Buy another fucking drink, you cheapskate - even if it's a pop or bottled water.

  19. Do not bring your girlfriend to a strip club if she is clearly jealous or uncomfortable. If you're too blind or dumb to know when she's feeling this way, here's a good way to tell. She's giving dirty looks to all the female staff in the club, especially the strippers.

  20. If there is no one in front row - move up there to keep the dancer company for her show.

  21. Smile and clap. This should be number one because it is the most important. You'd think it would be the most obvious too. But it's not uncommon to hear complete silence between songs in a bar full of drunk, drooling men. Get your hands out of your pants and clap! ;)

  22. If there are other men in the club being rude to a dancer, stand up for her by:
    -explaining nicely to these men that their behavior is making everyone uncomfortable, not just the dancer; or,
    -telling the guys to shut up and back off or get out; or,
    -telling the manager or bouncer about the problem and insisting on some action because it's wrecking your strip club experience as well.

  23. Do not steal a dancer's panties. They are expensive! If part of a dancer's costume falls off the stage, retrieve it for her and place it back on the stage. She'll thank you for it.

  24. Do not lean in too close to the stage near the pole - you might accidentally get kicked. To err is human. Strippers are human too. (really, it's true)

  25. Do not cup your mouth and whisper to your friend, then burst out laughing. The dancer will wonder if there's something stuck in her teeth or her tampon is showing. Insecurity does not make for a good performance. She's naked, so expect her to be a bit vulnerable. Good energy only, please.

  26. Do not point out spots missed shaving or lint and such stuck in places you're priveleged to see. Just accept that this is a real woman and if you want flawless, pick up a magazine instead. Strippers are there in the flesh - love them the way they are, cellulite, zits on their asses, ingrown hairs and all. They'll love you in return for your good energy.

  27. Do not complain about music. She dances to what she likes to dance to. Period. We don't come down to McDonald's and tell you how to flip burgers, do we? Okay, sorry, that's an old one. But it's a good one! lol

  28. Do not yell "take it all off" in the first song. Do you have a problem with pre-ejaculation too?

  29. Do not ask her how many children she has if she hasn't mentioned anything about having children. Just because you think you know based on her stomach, doesn't mean you're correct. There's such a thing as bloatedness that happens to all women for a few days every month. And it's the quickest way to make that dancer feel fat and insecure. This job is about nudity. Try to be supportive.

  30. Do not stroke yourself, however indiscreetly, during a dancer's performance. Please don't. Please please pretty pretty please. It's rather disturbing.

  31. Do not insult the other dancers thinking it will impress the one you're chatting with. It doesn't.

  32. Control your alcohol intake. Dancers always respect and appreciate customers who have control over their booze and their hormones. We're more likely to sit with you, hang out with you, and look forward to seeing you when you're in control.

  33. And finally, do not harrass her to know her real name. Likewise, don't be a "white knight" attempting to "save" her by telling her she's too smart, good etc to be a stripper. It's condescending and demonstrates your complete lack of understanding about the job. It's a job.


13 comments:

Hobo Stripper said...

This is great.

Ryann said...

when she asks if you want a dance don't act offended or go on and on about how you "never have to pay to get a woman naked" you're in a Strip club and we're just trying to make a living.

Anonymous said...

Hey,
I agree with much of what you listed but most of it is common sense repeated repeatedly.

On the other side of things, I could list "etiquette" for dancers from a customers point of view.

DON'T lie on the stage and talk to specific customers. SHOW your body parts. Pick good music that's not the same as other dancers or "gay" to most of customers (Gwen Stefani comes to mind). Walking is not dancing.

I could go on...

Tyler said...

Great list!

I've had dancers tell me they've seen people take money off the stage if they didn't show up in front of it right away. I've also seen dancers not take the money from the stage too, though they either didn't see it or forgot about. When that happened I just mentioned to the person they should go up to the dancer and hand it to her. I tend to do interesting things with the money I leave on stage, build little houses or weird folding designs so it's harder to miss ;)

I saw one guy lying on the stage with the bill in his mouth (I remember which dancer this was too) but she was hesitant as to what to do. There were no bouncers and the DJ wasn't paying attention. Let's just say that customer had a talking to ;)

On slow nights we'll move up to front row if no one else is there, though we usually get asked to sit up from so she has someone to talk to. lol

One thing I always thought was a bit rough is when guys go out of their way to take a peek between the legs. I've seen some guys contort their bodies in weird ways. I guess I'll never understand that part.

Thammuz said...

I think this is a good list. I've only gone to watch performances for the past few years, and have actually been bothered by the other males in the audience acting like assholes. More guys should read this - show some respect!

Sascha said...

jeez, it'll never get old, customers wanting us to play 'good' music.

'good' is completely subjective. i played a lot of music you wouldn't hear any other dancer dancing to... okay, very few... and sometimes, that got me in trouble with the dj/bar/other customers complaining.

you can't please everyone, EVER.

some customers like to see a girl being girly dancing to girly music, others prefer a girl who's more tough'n'sexy dancing to rock.

repeat: subjective.

so seriously, the music thing, let's just leave that up to the dancer, she's the one who has to dance to it. if she enjoys the music, chances are you'll get a better show.

Anonymous said...

I would remove the no touching rule, as different clubs have different policies. For example, in Missisauga, ON and Tampa, there are several clubs where touching is allowed and the women are all nude. These are the best kinds of clubs.

Also, I find that complimenting the ladies is generally a good idea. e.g. great dancing, love those earrings, amazing body

Keats said...

Excellent advice!

Anonymous said...

Don't ask personal questions like "Do you have a boyfriend"? it is really no ones business but our own. If we do, we are not going to tell you anyway because that will interfere in our money making.
Also, Don't ask "why does it always have to be about money/" Dah, asshole look where we are? Do you go to your work for free?

Anonymous said...

what is up with the smaller clubs becoming so "ghetto"?
I guess all the men with class go to the bigger places,right?

Mr Happy said...

No touching rule? Are you kidding. What kinda strip club would that be. I go to em to feel the girl....

Charlie said...

Good advice. I would also like to add one piece of advice. Don't show up at the club looking like a bum or smelling like something a dog rolled in. Suck on a breath mint if you have shit breath. No woman wants to get close with someone with hygeinee issues.

MichaelKruger said...

You can fondle strippers in the VIP room but not necessarily when you are getting a lapdance in the regular area. At Saphire in LV you can touch them during a lapdance but make sure you ask first.