Every day I check to see the googled words that lead to my blog. And every day I see a few searches done presumably by women that ask "why do guys go to strip clubs?" or "boyfriend at strip club" or "guys who really like to go to strip clubs." There are more variations on the theme, but I think you get my drift.
For the guys out there who like to go to strip clubs, this should give you an idea of the turmoil it causes your female significant others. As women, we tend to find it insulting when our men want to look at other women naked. It makes us feel like we're not good enough. It makes many of us jealous. And it makes many of us feel insecure and distrusting.
For the women out there who are proactive enough to try and understand this compulsion that many men have, I thought I'd attempt to describe why I think guys go to strip clubs.
Please note that this is all my own opinion and I don't presume to speak for all dancers.
Why do guys go to strip clubs? Well, they may say it is for male camaraderie, and I might even believe them if their regular club is like a neighbourhood pub for them. Every club has its very own regulars who live in the vicinity and come by on a daily basis.
If your boyfriend is one of these guys - he has a regular strip club where he hangs out with a bunch of other burly guys - then I recommend you not to sweat it. Regulars who generally stick to a home club are usually the most respectful and least likely to cheat of all the guys who go to strip clubs. Some of these guys will occasionally cheat, but not usually with a dancer.
The dancers generally view these guys as "safe." We can sit at their tables and trust that we won't have to endure dirty, vulgar talk, wandering hands, or requests for sex in exchange for money. Many of these guys bring their girlfriends to the club and they get to know the dancers. It's all very comfortable and safe.
Then there are the regular guys who travel from club to club. These are a diverse group of guys. Some would cheat in a heartbeat. Some are lonely, sweet, wonderful guys who get to talk to the dancers and even become our friends. Some are mentally challenged. Some are obsessed with strippers and don't have girlfriends or wives. Some are creepy and peepy. *shudder*
If your guy is a strip club traveller, I would suspect he developed this behavior out of insecurity or loneliness. Because strippers treat all guys the same, the guys know they won't be told to fuck off unless they're really ignorant. They can talk to pretty girls and see them naked and fantasize about them - and they're allowed to! Dancers are not usually "on the prowl" at work so every guy, regardless of social status, attractiveness or race for that matter, will be treated the same. Most guys don't get that kind of unconditional acceptance from women in regular clubs.
There are cases where a dancer will treat men differently, but it is always based on the guys behavior. A stripper will treat a funny-looking, slow, but sweet and generous guy with much more love and enthusiasm than she'll treat an arrogant, egotistical, HOT guy. If your boyfriend thinks he's all that, there's a chance he's trying to pick up strippers in the club. But his chances are slim to none.
Another typical guy that goes to strip clubs is the loner guy. He has friends but he doesn't trust them. He could probably get a girlfriend but he's too insecure to make the effort. He's the kind of guy that does favors but never dates strippers. He might have a drinking problem or there's just somethig slightly off about him - probably because he's just so insecure that his anxiety puts people off. If your boyfriend could be described as a loner who goes to strip clubs regularly - he's probably very happy to have a girlfriend and would never cheat on you. But his insecurity does put him in a position of being easy prey for a girl wanting to hook up with someone. His ego will like to be stroked. If he cheats, it will not be about you, it will be about making himself feel better about himself.
If your boyfriend hardly ever goes to strip clubs but acts like an ass when he drinks, chances are he's the kind of guy that gets all drooly over strippers and behaves in a way that would offend you sincerely. But his drunken idiotic behavior does not impress strippers. So you're pretty safe from having him cheat with one.
Now, I will tell you that there are guys who are married or have girlfriends who come into the clubs and try to pick up strippers. I have witnessed two kinds of stags - the kinds with grooms who act like royal losers and I feel utterly sick that some woman is marrying this asshole; and the kinds with grooms who are there because it's a tradition but they love the woman they are marrying and no stripper is going to make them behave disrespectfully.
I think my fear of marriage comes from seeing the grooms who get all vulgar and want to touch the stripper or ask for sex in exchange for money. I am sure that if they're fiances could see them now, the wedding would be OFF.
Now that I've broken the bad news, let me give you the good news.
There ARE good guys out there. There ARE guys who go to strip clubs who appreciate the beauty of the performers and enjoy the performances but that's as far as it goes for them.
All heterosexual men love to see naked women - many different naked women. Even the ones who don't go to strip clubs. As a woman, I don't really understand this phenomenon. I certainly don't want to see many different naked men. But I fantasize about having sex with many men - so I can relate to harmless fantasy. I would never cheat on a partner, but I will always have fantasies about other men.
For most men, strip clubs are a harmless fantasy. Most guys who go to strip clubs are respectful, sincere, and trustworthy. Strip clubs do not determine whether your guy is a cheater or not. If he is a cheater, he will cheat whether or not he goes to strip clubs. If he is not a cheater, he won't. You're in the same boat as every other woman that wonders. You won't know until you know or get out.
If you are a woman who feels insecure or jealous when it comes to strippers, please read these posts:
The Beauty Myth
Fun Feminism for Today's Woman
Cock-blocker or Nut-nuzzler: What Kind of Feminist Are You?
I felt empowered just writing the above posts. I am a woman, so I'm no stranger to feeling insecure and jealous. I've had two kids, major body changes, and even illness to make me feel less beautiful than the strippers or actresses in adult films my husband sees. But when I remind myself of the basic truths I learned about men when I was dancing, my insecurities fall away. And I remember that I can be sexy too - just the way I am. You don't have to be scrawny to be HOT!