Friday, December 28, 2007

Manifesting my Destiny

In some ways, life just couldn't be better. Such a short time ago, I lived with such despair. It's amazing what a little unconditional love can do.

Whenever I follow Wayne's advice, things just start to fall together for me. Financially, this is the best I've been in a long time. I can honestly say I much happier doing the work I'm doing now than I would be stripping. For most of my adult years, every income opportunity has been compared unwittingly to my time as an exotic dancer. And each time, exotic dancing won out. That's the hardest part about leaving the industry, for me. I have trouble finding a place in the world for myself where I am as happy or comfortable as I was dancing.

But now, I have found that place. And it is becoming clearer and clearer where this path will lead.

Right now, I am working two days a week at a transition house for women fleeing violence. It is a harm reduction house, so the residents tend to be tough, funny, skilled manipulators straight from the street. A better group I couldn't have asked for. These are my people. I identify with them far more easily than I ever have with my neighbours. Hopefully I haven't jeopardized my employment. I've missed two days in the last two months - once I was sick, and once my baby boy was sick. I'm not even done my probation period yet. But I have faith that I am meant to be there - it just feels so right.

I'm also heading up a coalition project that will engage sex industry workers from BC across the board. There are nine stakeholder groups we will engage: on-street rural, on-street urban, off-street rural, off-street urban, exotic dancers, porn/webcam, males, trans, and business owners. In the end, we will produce and distribute "Trade Secrets: Occupational Health and Safety Guide for Sex Industry Workers."

This is the largest project I will have ever managed. It integrates all of my passions - advocacy, community building, and literature. It utilizes all of my skills - writing, project management, and communications. It is the largest budget and the most vast endeavor I've ever taken on. And it must be accomplished on a tight deadline of one year.

This is an exciting time in my life. Professionally and financially, things have never looked better and I know there's more to come. I have several ideas for books bursting inside me. I don't have a choice in the matter, I will be a published writer. It's in me.

Personally, my life is also exciting. My daughter is growing up. We are sharing girl things and being girly together. She's much more feminine than I was at her age. It makes me happy that she has embraced her womanhood at such a young age. It is something to be valued and nurtured. And my boy is a constant smile upon my face. The funny things he says, his arms wrapped around my neck, and his utter comfort in the world inspire me.

My partner and I are close lately. I feel good about us. I have a feeling there is more in store for us as well. What, I can only speculate. But it's good.

I have trusted in the universe, just like Wayne advises. I have imagined how I'd like to feel and let God handle the details. I have attempted unconditional love for all as much as possible (I'm far from perfect at this, but keep trying). I have let go of what others think of me, and in a short time I have burst from my shell because of it. Running an important committee at my daughter's school - what was I thinking?! Haha, but I love it.

Life is damn good.

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