Friday, August 15, 2008

Big Event

Oh. My. Goddess. I'm getting married tomorrow. I've been waking up with panic attacks for the past several mornings. Heart racing. Feeling sick. My cousin said: Are you sure this is what you want to do?

I laughed. It blows my mind how clueless most people are about the magnitude of organizing something like this. Yes. I'm sure. I have nothing but love for my man and hope for my marriage. Even when we've fought lately, I've been completely sure still. He's the man I want.

When I look back, there have really only been two men for me in my life. My first love - a man from Kelowna that I still care about and remember with great fondness - and my husband-to-be. These two are the ones who have inspired lasting love from me. That's not to say I don't care for or love others. But there is a lasting deep respect that I have for only two men in my life. And I will marry one of them tomorrow.

We share a child (biologically) and he has become a father and wonderful role model for my (our) daughter. She sees two people who love each other and show affection to each other often. She sees a man who works his ass off every day - getting up early and making his lunch for work. A man who takes providing for his family seriously, who also appreciates what I contribute and provide for our family.

This is a man who tells me to go out and have a good time, while I struggle to begrudge him a night out with the guys. I am learning peace from him. I am learning to live in the moment. We have been through a lot together, but I see him learning about relationships the same I learned with my first love. I made mistakes in my youth with my high exectations and sense of righteousness. I still see some of that youth in my man. But I have also watched him grow up. He is almost five years younger than me, but so incredibly mature in some ways. I am blessed that he returns my love. We will be married tomorrow.

No. My anxiety is not about the legal sanctity of this journey I am about to undertake. I can be faithful to this man for the rest of my life. And now that my ativan is kicking in. I'm not having any anxiety at all. Even when I think about the infinite details that still need to be completed between now and tomorrow.

1 comment:

Robert Campbell said...

Please update.
What happened?
How was your honeymoon?