Wednesday, November 5, 2008

The Porn Diet

For the past week, I haven't been feeling well. That's a whole other story. The byproduct of not feeling well, however, is a tired wife unwilling to fulfill her "wifely" duties in the bedroom. I'm fucking exhausted.

So I've lovingly encouraged my new husband to go on the porn diet until I feel better. (I'm already feeling a bit better today, so the fast is almost over, Baby!)

What is the porn diet, you ask? Well, if you don't know...then let me introduce you to a hetero woman's savior. If you're like me, and you want to keep your man's needs met as much as you want your own needs met, then saying "no" is a hard thing to do. Especially when you haven't been doing it much lately and it's been ages since you even gave the poor bastard a blow job.

In our relationship, it is a very strange day indeed when one of us says "no".

Enter: The Porn Diet. It goes like this...

"Honey, I'm still not feeling well and even though I know you really deserve a blow job, I'm not in the mood to give you one. I'm a little frisky but I'm really tired. Can you just watch porn tonight and pleasure yourself? Feel free to feel me up while you do it."

Voila!

You get to lie comfortably listening to the hot sounds of girl-on-girl porn while your man simultaneously pleasures himself and touches you all over. You can rest assured that he is not feeling neglected and go to sleep confident in the knowledge that your relationship is not suffering sexually. Two birds with one stone, as they say.

Just another reason why I feel sorry for girls who get jealous of porn.

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