Friday, February 20, 2009

The Myth of the Sex Industry Customer

I probably perpetuate the myth myself, when I defend the men who patronize strip clubs or escorts. I say they are lonely. I say they have trouble talking to women. I say they are physically unattractive and wouldn't get the kind of attention anywhere else that they are seeking. I say they are disabled but have needs too. Needs that aren't being met.

All of these descriptions reduce the sex industry customer to some feeble-minded, outcast who cannot get himself laid. But this is one myth of the sex industry customer.

Another myth is the one perpetuated by abolitionists. They say that our customers are woman-haters, abusers, sexually-depraved, perpetrators of violence, rapists. This is not true either.

The sex industry customer is neither a victim or an abuser.

A sex industry customer is a married man who gets a sex worker to tickle his balls while he masturbates, because he's too scared to ask his wife. This is his boundary. He will not have any other contact with the escort.

The sex industry customer is a man who wants to try sex with a butt plug. How many guys out there would be comfortable asking their wives to try a butt plug on them? However, anal penetration can be extremely pleasurable for both women and men.

As an exotic dancer, I found that one of my most oft-used skills was the ability to get men to be comfortable with my nudity. They'd come into the private show booth with me, sit down, then become extremely uncomfortable - not sure where to look, embarrassed of their vulnerability, apologetic for "objectifying" me - if that's the crap they've been fed by the abolitionists.

I would help them feel at ease. I would smile and chat comfortably. I would say "it's okay to look at my pussy, it doesn't make me uncomfortable at all." I would say, "Relax, I love my job and I'm the one taking your money, Honey." I didn't feel objectified. I felt in control of my surroundings, my income earning potential, and my body. I also felt in control of my customer. My job was to help him accept his own desires and not judge him for it.

An escort I know tells me there's a market for older women. And it makes sense. While one older man may want a young, hard-body for his money's worth, another would feel absolutely silly making love to a 30-year-old. He wants the fine company of a woman his own age.

How about the war veteran who paid an escort to share his war stories with her. They never had sex. He was monogamous. But he needed to talk about things that he would never dream of sharing with his wife. He found comfort in the reassuring "Hmm's" and "Ahh's" whispered by the escort while he divulged haunting wartime atrocities over dinner in a fancy restaurant.

Let's not forget the age old tradition of paying an escort to take a man's virginity. The practice is more common than you might think.

So what kind of man pays to watch a woman dance naked in front of him? What kind of man pays for sex?

Well the truth is, he could be any kind of man. Combine the circumstances of life with the very real, very natural need of men to be physically comforted via fantasy or reality, and you've got a booming sex industry.

On a personal note, if I wasn't having sex with my husband, I would rather he paid a professional than went out and found a replacement.

So the obviousconclusion is that sex industry customers are neither victims or abusers. They are consumers responding logically to a physical need by using the services of a professional. And there ain't no shame in that.


Anonymous said...

What is a SC Player? This is a subjective term that has numerous interpretations. While I am not set in concrete about this, my interpretation is the result of many years of experience and is commonly accepted by friends of mine who are also Strip Clubbers.

In its most general sense, a Player can be a customer who takes extras (giving the dancer cash, favors, etc.). The extras can be outside or inside the club. Another example is a customer who takes a Stripper as his mistress doing her x times a month giving her x$ per session or a flat monthly amount and this going on for a long time. Once you have reached 10 sessions with one then she is probably your mistress. I have had several of these over the course of a number of years. Nothing in a SC is free (Money talks, BS walks) and from what I have seen even hot gals who are not strippers will gravitate towards the guy who throws money into the fray. I know a SC DJ who many say "well he gets lots of free pussy and BJ''s" But considering he has fathered over 20 kids with over 20 different dancers and hookers it is a well known fact he is paying a ton of child support. Pussy is not free, you pay for it one way or another. Of course not all of them filed a paternity inquiry or sued for child support as this would have been prohibitively expensive vor them considering all the sex partners they had during that period.

Sometimes I will ask a dancer if she is a Player. She may answer "I sure am - what is your pleasure. I do sex for $150 and BJ is $100." Or she may be out to lunch and say "I don't understand that term." From what the gals say, just ask them if they like to play (Unless she is an idiot, she will know what you mean). Recently at Treasures a dancer came up to me and asked "want to go to the back where its dark and play?" She was not talking about just doing dances.

An experienced Player is not someone who will give dancers money for services not performed or be intimidated by one, especially her drama or SS (Striper Shit). When a dancer mentions she needs say $100 for groceres but only made $20 that day, he won't just do $100 worth of dances. Instead he will propose an otc meeting (or itc session) for instance where she can make the $100 giving him sex.

Annie Temple said...

That's very interesting, Anonymous. Where I danced, there was nothing like that going on. If any dancers were also offering sexual services, it was very hush and would not occur in the strip clubs in vip booths. We had cameras and laws about no contact where I usually worked. So the situation you are describing may very well be true, but it wasn't true for me. I think that most exotic dancers prefer not to be assumed service providers. It will be nice when the laws change so that service providers can just be who they are without having to pretend to be exotic dancers to find safe workspaces. Keeping the two separate is important so that workers who do not feel comfortable offering sexual services on the side can still find employment within their personal boundaries.

Ron Orlando said...

You seem to have a good understanding of the dynamics of the Strip Club Customer. My fav site for Strip Club Reviews is

I have enjoyed Strip Clubs all over the country and the laws and rules vary between states and regions. However, I have always found conversation with strippers always enjoyable and enlightening.