Wow, my life has been in an upheaval for quite a while now, and just when I was desperate enough to almost give up hope, everything started falling into place like it's supposed to. From the outside it may look like my life is falling apart, but don't pity me. I am the happiest person alive right now. My life is a miracle. My health is finally resolved.
I don't want to dwell on the personal aspects of my life because I can't imagine it will interest anyone, but with the goal of explaining myself and my frequent absence from this blog, I have decided to let it all out for the world to see. Bare myself in a new way.
Within one week, my husband and I separated (by mutual agreement), I broke my foot, and I went on an allergen-free diet which lead to a sudden and miraculous 80% improvement in my health. That week has come and past, but it has changed everything drastically for the better.
My husband and I have continued to have a relationship of sorts - friends in front of our children. Something less and more behind closed doors. He's financially supporting us right now, and for that I respect him. For other reasons, I am grateful we are parting ways, as they say. I've been poor. I can handle poor. It might be hard on the kids initially going from a three bedroom house in White Rock to a one bedroom apartment in Vancouver (my lofty and wonderful plans). A fabulous adventure. My children will learn to enjoy life, not the box you keep your stuff in.
I did not break my foot skiing as so many people have inquired upon seeing my "walking boot" (wrapped in a plastic bag during the brief snowfall). I was still ill. My husband had been gone for a few days, and I was carrying the garbage on my way out to take my daughter to school. I stepped as I would step any other moment, my ankle twisted, and SNAP! A broken foot and a torn ligament.
My foot break occurred just in time for me to regain my health and energy, when by fluke, an allergen-free diet determined the cause of my undiagnosed health condition! I have been unable to work for a year and a half because I was debilitatingly, chronically ill - fatigued, dizzy, nauseous, blacking out, fainting, vibrating, and so much more.
Health practitioner after health practitioner looked at me like I was insane. This irritating moth that keeps coming back asking for someone to help her find the answers to her health. I just kept going back, over and over. And the last time, on December 1st, when I saw a really rude rheumatologist at St. Paul's Hospital in Vancouver, I'd had my fill. I wanted to kill myself. I thought I would be sick until I die anyway, and this is no life. I was literally DYING to LIVE.
At that point, I had to dig really deep into myself and ask myself if there was any strength left at all to go on? Or would I give up my children to their fathers, and make my death look like an accident so my kids wouldn't be fucked up from a suicide.
After several hours of uncontrollable crying, I laughed at myself for being so melodramatic. I took a deep breath, and I decided I would have nothing to do with doctors anymore. I would create the best circumstances possible for my health to thrive (food, exercise, sleep). I would wean off the medications I was on to control my tachycardia, depression, insomnia, and hormone fluctuations. And I would watch funny movies and TV shows and try to giggle myself to health using "laughter is the best medicine" as my motto.
Four days after going on the allergen-free diet, I was better. Within one week, I was ready to go back to work (except for this inconvenient broken foot!). It's now been almost two weeks, and I feel fantastic. I'm not 100% but I will be soon. And I'm grateful. I'm so so grateful. I'm so grateful, I can hardly contain my emotions. People who live near me are unaware of the immense positive energy field I am emanating right now. I am huge. I am full of power and I will use it for good, not evil. Watch out world. I'm back and better than ever. ;)