Sunday, February 14, 2010

What's In Their Drinking Water?

I heard that the "Buying Sex Is Not a Sport" people were protesting outside the Number 5 Orange last night.

This sounds awfully familiar. Remember the Salvation Army's plan to picket the strip clubs for their "Truth Isn't Sexy" campaign? Feminists and Christians in bed together. And we all know they're probably not having sex. Or if they are, it's a secret. ;)

I can just imagine the conversation...

Rape Relief to Salvation Army: "Hello Mr. Salvation Army. We have an idea. Let's go stand outside the strip club and tell everyone that strippers are sex slaves."

Salvation Army: "Okay Mrs. Rape Relief, but maybe we should go inside...just to make sure there's no funny business going on."

Rape Relief: "That's MS. Rape Relief. And we can't go in there! What if MEN try to recruit us into prostitution!"

Salvation Army: "You're right. It's settled then. The women will stay outside..."

Rape Relief: "What?!"

Salvation Army: "Don't worry. Jack will stay out here to protect you. Remember Jack? He used to be a gay, so he can totally relate to you all."

Jack: "Oh yeah, no problem. I'll stand outside and watch over the men, I mean, women. Because I'm really not gay anymore. I'm so grateful that Mr. Salvation Army saved me from my gayness. I'll do anything for him."

Rape Relief: "We don't need protection! We have pepper spray, caps unlocked and ready to spray at all times."

Salvation Army: "Good for you, Young Lady. It's very important for girls to protect themselves from the evil incarnate that dwells in all men."

Rape Relief: "Oh, Mr. Salvation Army, it is so refreshing to meet a man who realizes his own shame. If only all men could be as ashamed as you are. But please don't call me a lady or girl. I am a womyn - spelled with a 'y'."

Salvation Army: "Pardon me? I don't understand the last part. Never mind. We'll meet you at the strip club, uh, den of evil. If you don't see us outside, we are inside doing research on how deep this sex slavery problem goes. Perhaps we can convince one of the slaves that her life is terrible and we can make it better by taking her job away."

Rape Relief: "Oh, don't bother. They are all too exploited and brainwashed to understand what's best for them. Best not to let them speak at all. Unless they're one of us, of course."

Salvation Army: "Well, it seems we have more in common than we realized! Recently, when a bunch of sex slaves protested our campaign to raise funds by convincing the world that the sex industry is human slavery and we are the best people to address the issue, we paid them little heed. It's amazing what a wealthy, strong, established organization can do to a group of marginalized sex workers. They were no match for us!"

Rape Relief: "That's exactly why we're teaming up with you, Mr. Salvation Army. The truth is, we don't agree on abortion. We don't agree on gay marriage. We don't agree on most things. But we agree on two things: Forcing women (who were born women) out of the sex industry and shaming all men. And since we're underfunded and you're overfunded - it's like a match made in Heaven. That is, if we believed in Heaven. Which we don't. Which is another thing we don't agree on. But anyway, let's get into bed together and not have sex."

Salvation Army: "Okay. But I still think we should go into the strip clubs to do research."

(Rape Relief rolls her eyes and pretends not to notice what a lecherous creep Salvation Army is, because without his money, she can't reach her goals.) <<<----and that's the story of how Rape Relief became a prostitute. teehee
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Anonymous said...

please do not lump ALL christians together.

Not all are right wing fanatics.

Somea ctually do what Jesus taught and show compassion and love for all, regardless of their social strip.

Annie Temple said...

Hi Anonymous, I agree with you wholeheartedly. In fact, some of my closest friends are Christians and I was baptized as one after my daughter was born. I think that's why I'M so judgmental about Christians. lol (I know we're supposed to try and not be judgemental, but I'm working on it;) I was really disappointed to see how many self-professed Christians don't seem to be working on trying not to judge at all. And in the case of whomever is running SA right now, well, that person has smeared the reputation of SA, in my opinion. And I never pass up a chance to tell people that the organization is not apolitical or just here to serve. They are hustlers, earning money off the backs of the most vulnerable sex workers by portraying them all as sex slaves and refusing to acknowledge and respect the requests of the sex worker community to stop causing such harm in the name of increased funds.

Ola Fumilayo said...

OH my goodness sometimes when you read the news about these types of protests you don't know whether to laugh or cry, guess what I just did? :-) Excellent satire

Annie Temple said...

Thank you! XO